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If the Shoe Fits/Script
Lee: "The name's Ping. Lee Ping. I'm that famous kid that pulled off the biggest prank in high school history. Sure it was epic and shot my popularity through the stratosphere, but a year of detention is pretty harsh. And the worst part is, I didn't even do it. So every day I sneak out of detention to try to catch the person who really did do it." of him sneaking out appear. "Someone with the email codename Radcircles. Then, disaster. I saw footage of my best friend Camillio switching my bag during the prank." bag switch is shown on Lee's computer. "I really don't wanna have a former best friend. But right now, all signs point to him being involved. Unless I'' can prove otherwise." ---- '''Detentionaire' ---- 4:10:48 PM Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. Problem is..." is running down a street in the city, carrying a stinky shoe behind him and rushing to catch a bus. Lee: the bus pulls away "No! I'll never make it back in time now!" Lee's Inner Monologue: Great. Done like dinner. At least things can't get any worse. red sports car pulls up to him and rolls the passenger side window down. Inside is the vice principal. Vice Principal Victoria: "We need to talk." Lee's Inner Monologue: Okay. They just did. ---- Earlier that day...7:58 AM and his mom are in the car. They are currently at a stop sign. Mrs. Ping: "Very disappointed, Lee. Sneaking out of detention and–" light turns green "GO!" steps on the gas firmly and the car peels out. They soon arrive at school. Mrs. Ping: lecturing "So no more foolishness. Just be good and behave, okay?" mother walks into school. A shadowy figure is spying on Lee from the bushes. Lee notices. Lee: "Holger? What are you doing here?" Holger: sad "Holger feel shame and hide in shadows." Lee: "You okay man?" whimpers and holds up his cell phone. Onscreen is the tape of Cam buying Lee's bag. Lee: "Cam buying the same bag as mine? So that's where the decoy bag came from!" Holger: worried "Is friendship times in danger?" Lee: "Well, I did also see footage of Cam switching my bag. Obviously with this one. And then he destroyed the footage. And he's always wanted to be popular. But there still has to be some kind of explanation! Right?" Holger: shivering "Yes please." ---- day, when the popular kids enter school, Camillio Martinez is in the midst of them. Camillio: a story to his cool friends "I was like, RPGs are for geeks, yo! FPS is the only way to play!" popular kids all laugh. Brandy: "You know how I know you've gotten popular? I have no idea what you just said, yet I'm still listening." Camillio: a trio of cheerleaders "Ladies." Cheerleaders: flirtily "Hi, Cam." Dickie: "Dude, we so owe you for trashing Chaz's prank footage." Camillio: "Hey, just doing the Cam." Brandy: "Hey, that should be like a thing. Like when you do something awesome, it's called 'doing a Cam.'" popular kids nod assent. Dickie: "Well why not?" Brad: "Yeah, sure." Evan: "Totally cool." ---- is doing the news all by herself due to Chaz's suspension from the desk. Tina: perky "Good morning A. Nigma High I'm Tina Kwee and this is the news!" giggles. "Wow. I actually finished a thought without being interrupted. How nice. Speaking of which, today's top story is that Chaz Monerainian has been suspended from the news." Chaz: up in class "Uh yeah first of all I did not get suspended people, I'm just taking a few personal days okay." class pelts him with balls of paper. "Ow! Paper cut! That stings!" Tina: "Many students are calling Cam a hero for destroying that footage." offscreen hand gives her a new paper. "Oh, this just in. Lee Ping is to report to Principal Barrage's office." bored "What a surprise." Lee leaves his homeroom "If I can editorialize, what would you call a friend who's turned into a lying prankster who lets everybody down?" principal meets Lee, growls, and escorts Lee to the office. "A disappointment? A joker? A punk? A rapscallion? A-a scallywag? That's right. I am not afraid to use a thesaurus." Principal General Barrage: they walk down the hall "That lady does not like you." Lee: annoyed "Heh. Tell me about it." Lee finds himself dangling in midair. The principal has grabbed him by the back of his shirt. Principal General Barrage: "And neither do I. You make me pukey sick with your contempt for the rules. So I'm throwing it back in your joker rapscallion scallywag little punk face!" throws open the door to a janitor's closet. "With some good old-fashioned school jan-eye-tor-e-al punishment!" eyes widen as he sees the dirty hall he's been enlisted to clean. His shoulders slump, and he sighs. ---- Lee gets the entire hall sparkling, just in time for students to flood it during the class change. Tina: the intercom "Would the following students report to Room 113b. Dick Andrews and Trevor Mars." walks past Lee and intentionally drops a sandwich on the floor in front of him. Lee frowns and gets to work cleaning it up. Cam walks down the hall, new friends in tow. Camillio: a story "I was all hot doggity-doggone bro, you're not supposed to eat it!" group laughs. Brad: "Dude, you're hilarious. Did Dickie tell you about the party?" Dickie: "After school, pool party. Brad's place." Camillio: "Dude. Girls in bikinis? I am so in. Like I'm already there, gimme your housekeys." group laughs. "No seriously, gimme your housekeys." group laughs again. Cam spots Lee. "Dude!" over "The four-one-one? My boy Von Chill is like having a pool party after school yo. And it's gonna be sick you gotta come like nine-one-one." Lee: "You. Me. Private. Now." pushes Cam into the girls' bathroom. Camillio: awkwardly "So, like um, why are we in the girls' washrooms?" Lee: "I think you know why." Camillio: "Uhhhh, to hide in the stalls and watch girls put on lip gloss and make that kissy face in the mirror?" girl who has heard him squeals indignantly. She and her friend leave. Lee: "What? No! Not that at all." Camillio: "Aww. 'Cause I was liking your plan." Lee: "That wasn't my plan. That was your plan." venting "Just like it was your plan to frame me with detention so you could be popular, Cam. Or should I say, Radcircles." gapes at this accusation. Before he can retort, Beth pushes open a stall door. Beth: "You boys aren't allowed in here. Seriously, you need to get out of here." mathlete exits the bathroom. As soon as she's gone, Lee and Cam resume their conversation. Camillio: "'Kay seriously, dude, what're you talking about?" Lee: "I saw the prank footage. That you destroyed. On purpose." Camillio: "Yeah, so, what about it?" Lee: "I also saw you plant the prank bag on my chair!" Camillio: "Dude, that? C'mon! In all the craziness your bag fell on the floor, man, I just picked it up!" Lee: "Oh yeah? Then, why did Holger see you buy the exact same bag as mine at the mall? Huh? Explain that." Camillio: "Huh?" shifty-eyed "Well I-I bought that bag for me m'kay? And then I saw that you had the same one so I gave it to my sister! You don't believe me?!?" pulls out his phone. "Here!" is a picture of Angelina wearing the backpack. "You think I'd set you up and stuff man? What gives? I thought we were like, friends, ese." Lee: awkwardly "Well, I–" Camillio: "Aw, dude, paranoid much? You've changed. All that prankster stuff has totally turned your brain into a piñata full of scrambled huevos, bro." Raven opens the door to the girls' bathroom and is surprised to see the two boys bickering. Lee: "Do ya mind?" look of anger comes to Robin's face, and she turns back around. Lee and Cam resume talking. Lee: "Really. Me? What about you, hanging with the cool kids." Camillio: "Yeah, you're just jealous the cool kids all like me. And for something I actually did do! So whatever, ex-bro. Peace and hair grease! Cam out!" storms out of the bathroom. "He's in there." Principal General Barrage: annoyed "What in Sam Heck?!?" opens the door to the girls' bathroom. "Ah. Ping. I shoulda known it was you breaking another rule. You! Me! Now!" principal drags Lee out of the bathroom. Lee: himself "Okay. Did I just accuse my best friend of something he didn't even do?" ---- principal drags Lee to the gym. The gym floor is littered with deflated balls. Principal General Barrage: "See all those useless dead balls? Ha! Sorta like you!" laughs. "Fill 'em up!" Lee: "Um, where's the pump?" Principal General Barrage: "Put Northy and Southy together–" puckers his lips. "Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh. And suck those little loser lungs in, boy!" shoves a ball into Lee's stomach. Lee: "Gah!" Principal General Barrage: "No free rides here!" principal leaves, trusting Lee to get to work on his own. ---- is painting in art class. His painting is of a suburban house. Mrs. Warhola: "See, students, this is what I'm talking about okay. It might not be technically good, but it speaks the truth." Cam "What do you call that?" Camillio: "Uh, like a picture of my house?" Holger: "Or perhaps Robot Super Evil Villain Secret Desert Hideout Slash Fortress of Hiding perhaps, hmm?" art teacher moves on. Camillio: whispering "Yo! Holg! Lee has lost his marbles, man! Like he actually thinks I'm Radcircles! Can you believe that?" Holger: nervously "Hahaha! Oh! Cam never do that. Ho! Holger no believe that." looks at him suspiciously. "No. Uh, no." Camillio: "Oh yeah? Then why did you tell him about seeing me buy the same bag, man? And what is that?" is pointing at Holger's painting: an evil robotic Camillio. Holger: "Uh, Holger no so sure. Holger, uh–work out–problem in art form, ja?" painting "Okay. Cam evil wiv superweapon, or happy nice-nice with zhe flower?" paints a smile on the robotic Cam's face and gives it a flower protruding from the superweapon. Cam angrily turns back to his painting. ---- is busy trying to blow up balls without the aid of a pump. Lee: winded "Okay. This–might–kill–me." Evan: "Why are you kissing that ball?" Trevor: "Miss your girlfriend?" and Trevor have come to the gym to work out. Evan: "Dude, I thought you were cool and did the prank yourself." Trevor: "But it's obvious your boy Cam was the brains. He's so cool!" Evan: "Yeah! I always wondered why Cam was in the rafters when it happened." Trevor: "Totally! I remember that. Acting all crazy and going like this?" imitates a crazed monkey. Lee: "Wait! What? Cam was doing stuff in the rafters during the prank?" Trevor: "Totally Camming it out to the max." Lee: "I don't think that's a thing." Evan: "It is now." looks at the ball in his hand and smiles as he gets an idea. Lee: "Man, you guys call that a workout? You must be getting soft. I bet you guys couldn't fill all these balls before school is over." jocks look at each other, drop their weights, and run over to a cart full of balls. They each choose one and begin blowing into it. Trevor: one "Wha. One down." spikes it. "Piece of cake. In your face, Ping!" starts in on a basketball. Lee then darts off to a ladder that leads into the rafters. He has just started climbing it when his phone rings. Lee stops in the middle of his ascent and answers it. Holger: "Lee! It's Holger from school. I'm quite tall, blonde hair–" Lee: "I know who you are–uh, kinda busy." Holger: "Holger have query. Is Cam evil?" Lee: "Cam has excuses for everything. He–may not be evil, but for some reason someone saw him up in the rafters." Holger: relieved "MAYBE NO EVIL?!? CAM IS GO-HO-HO-HOOD!" cringes and drops his phone. In art class, Holger continues to celebrate. "CAM IS GOOOOOOD!" stare at him oddly. "Come here, non-evil robot supervillain friend!" pulls Cam into a hug. Camillio: Holger away "Aw dude, not in front of everyone!" Lee has made his way up to the rafters. They are littered with potato flakes. Lee: "Ugh, man. The floor is all–hard and gunky." spots something. "Huh?" a closer look "No. Way." ---- is in detention, recounting his tale to Biffy. Lee: "...and right in the middle of it was–" door to detention opens. Barrage walks in. Principal General Barrage: "Well, Ping. Here we are again. Another end of day, when the good children play. And just in case you were thinking of slipping out, again..." presses a button on a remote, and a floating mechanical eye enters the room. "My new soldier in the war on misbehaving will be just outside the door! To make sure you stay put." Barrage and the floating eye leave. Biffy: "Great, so psycho has a new killer toy. So? The suspense is killing me. What'dja see?" Lee: remembering "A shoe print. From someone's right foot." Biffy: "Ohhh. So what now? You gonna wear a disguise and start swiping people's shoes?" Lee: "No, but it's a quick way for me to see if Cam was really up there or not." exits his seat and pulls a portable blackboard forward from the rear of the classroom. "Check it." on the board "Cam has notoriously bad stink foot. Killer bad. Seriously, boy needs to see a doctor or something. He never takes off his shoes." draws what appears to be a bean on the board. Biffy: "What's that?" Lee: "I'm getting there! Brad's having a pool party today." Biffy: "That's a pool? Looks like a kidney." Lee: "It's one of those 'fancy' pools. The point is, Cam'll have to take off his shoes to go swimming." out his plan "So I sneak out, streetcar over, swipe a shoe, get back in time, and we're laughing." Biffy: his own plan "Or you call Holger and get him to get Cam's shoe for you." Lee: "Oh." down "Right. Or that." takes out his phone and calls Holger. ---- bunch of people have come to Brad's pool party, including Cam and Holger. Holger: stretching "Cam! You coming inside zhe water?" Camillio: "Um..." checks out his foot situation. The prognosis is stinky. "Ugh! Ay." puts his shoe back on. "Nah. Heh. I-I'll j-I'll just chill." runs towards the pool, ready to dive in. Before he can do so, however, his phone rings. He screams, grabs at his pocket, and falls into the pool. Brandy: annoyed "Ugh! Seriously? You better watch where you're jumping or so help me." smacks Holger. Holger's phone continues to ring. Holger answers it. Holger: underwater "Oh hello?" surfaces and spits out water. Lee: "Are you...swimming with your phone?" Evan: his eyes "Marco." Brandy and Brad: "Polo!" Holger: "Yes, Father know Holger is silly goosenghogen so buy him waterproof phone." Lee: "I need you to do me a favor." Holger: "Is favor something against Cam? Because, he is good now, remember?" Lee: "Yeah but–" Holger: determined "No. Holger not do bad stuff against friend. Holgermiester is torn." Evan: by "Marco?" Holger: "Besides, in middle of game. Polo!" tackles Holger, and he releases the phone, which sinks into the water. The line goes dead. Lee: Biffy "Looks like we go with my plan." Biffy: "What about crazy eyebot?" Lee: the vents "Whatever, I'll just go this way. If Barrage thinks his new machine has us trapped, he won't come back." ---- the party, Cam is still busy trying to figure out a way to deal with his case of stink-foot. Camillio: lotion onto his foot "C'mon, dude, won't something cover up this smell?" takes a whiff and blanches. "Ugh! Ugh, aw, aw man!" thrusts his foot as far away as possible. "What is wrong with me? It's like I'm some kind of mutant!" Brandy: the pool "So like, Cam. You ever coming in or what?" Camillio: nervous "Yeah! Yeah, yeah, no, I, you know I'm just like taking my time." Holger: "CANNONBALL!" executes the dive, creating a huge splash. Ace: "Keep the water in the pool, kiddos!" Brad: "Sure thing Dad." movie star rejoins the conversation he was having with some of the adults. Ace: "Ah, really brings you back to our high school parties, doesn't it, ladies?" Dash: "Well, this just in, it sure does. Thanks, I'm Dash Monerainian, and that moment update was brought to you, by me." his wife, Dash, and Victoria clink glasses. Vice Principal Victoria: "To old times." ---- is riding a streetcar. He is currently on his phone. Lee: "What stop was it again?" Biffy: him "Two more." Tina: "Lee. Ping." is right behind him. "Sneaking out of detention right after you got caught sneaking out?" stares at him unsympathetically. Lee: uncomfortable "You always catch me at my worst, Tina. How do you do that?" Tina: "It's a gift. Don't worry I won't rat you out, even though I should." walks away. Lee: her "Wait, I'm going to a party. You should come. Brad'll be there." Tina: "Brad?" her eyes "Like he'd wanna see me. He hasn't spoken to me since you pranked his hair?" Lee: "I–screwed up. The Glamazons were mad at you, and–look, I'll just tell him it was my fault. Seriously, you should come." look of disinterest turns into one of self-doubt. She then gazes back at Lee questioningly. ---- party is going strong when Lee walks in. Lee: "Yo. Whassup?" Brad: over "Ping, I-I didn't expect–" walks up behind him. "Tina?" Lee: a hand on Brad's shoulder "Yeah, hey, about that hair thing at the mall? All my fault. You know me, prank king and all. Sorry. Truce? Thanks. Hey, is Cam here?" Brad: "Yeah, of course he is. He's–" Lee: "Cool." walks right past Brad, leaving him stunned. Brad: Tina "Lee's kinda weird, isn't he." Tina: "Tell me about it." Brad and Tina: awkwardly "So..." giggles. Camillio: himself up "M'kay. So if I just yank 'em off, and run to the pool, I should be good." Lee: next to him "Cam?" Camillio: "Oh hey man." realizing "I-oh-I mean, I'm not talking to you right now, you double-crosser!" Lee: "Look, we need to talk." Holger: up "Oo-hoo! Guys! Together again and happy, ja?" the conversation among the adults is still happening on the deck. Dash: the vice principal "So, my boy Chaz tells me he's off the news. C'mon. Can't you do something about it, huh? You are the...vice principal." Lee: scared "Vice principal?" mention of her position from the party below causes the vice principal's head to whip around. Lee uses Holger's body for cover, and the vice principal moves closer to the edge to get a better look. Holger: tickled "Ah-hee-hee-hee! Ah-hoo-hoo-hoo! No! Ahhahaha!" Lee: whispering "Vice Principal Victoria! Ah! I'm busted!" ---- vice principal continues to scan the pool. Vice Principal Victoria: Dash "I'll see what I can do for Chaz." Camillio: "Dude. If I was talking to you, I'd tell you that VP Victoria is totally looking at you, dude." Holger: "Cam say–" Lee: "Yeah Holger, I'm right here. You can tell Cam that I'm not talking to him either." Holger: "Lee say to tell you–" Camillio: up "C'mon Holg. This place, stinks. Let's check out the ladies." struts off. When he passes Holger, Holger sniffs the air and wrinkles his nose. Holger: "Ugh. Holger did notice gavoykin in zhe air. Eesh." grabs Holger and they walk away. Lee ducks behind a pool chair in order to make a call. Brandy: "Leaping!" is right behind him. "You're at the party and you didn't even text to tell me?" Lee: "Sorry? Kinda spur of the moment." Brandy: "What is it about 'I'm your BFF girlfriend' you don't understand?" Lee: "Pretty much all of it." Brandy: aghast "Ugh!" leaves and leaps in the water at Holger, who narrowly avoids her. After she leaves, Lee takes out his cell phone again, but notices the vice principal. He ducks behind some bushes. Brad: the other side of the bushes "My dad has a big garden on the other side. He likes all the easy-to-love stuff, like strawberries, kiwis, mangos. I prefer nature's rejects, like the turnip. They'll never get a date, right?" laughs. "Hey. Wanna help me till the soil?" Tina: "I'd love to." uncertain "I think. That's a gardening thing, right?" hands Tina a shovel, and soon the two are hard at work. Clods of dirt land near Lee, and he runs off to find a better hiding place. To do so, he has to sneak past the vice principal again. Holger: resurfacing "Holger hold breath for two seconds. Beat that!" Lee: poolside "Holg, you gotta help me." Holger: suspicious "Ah. Help you? On secret spy mission? Or help make Cam and Lee friendcakes again?" Lee: "I'm gonna go with friendcakes." hugs him. Holger: "Ohoo! Then for sure Holger know how to fix! Lee and Cam play happy game of friendship tetherball. Fun! We laugh, maybe we cry a teensy bit, but HAPPY CRY! Because all is Happytown now, ja?" Lee: "Yeah. Or, Cam and I have a...cannonball contest! Winner says he's sorry." Holger: "Cannonball fun in pool? Water?!? Splash all over us?!? Ja ja ja!" calmer "Me get Cam. Cam!" ---- Holger has found Cam and is pushing him towards the diving board. Holger: singing "Cannonballlll!" Brandy: "Yeah, c'mon Cam, I bet you can totally out-cannonball Lee." glances towards the deck and sees that the vice principal is leaving. Lee: "Yeah. C'mon. Let's sort our differences out the old-fashioned way." Camillio: "Okay. Yeah. For the señorita, I do it. Ping, be prepared to be Camonballed." Brandy: "Camonballed. That should be like, a thing." Evan: "Yeah, sure." Dickie: "Yeah, why not?" Evan: "Totally, dude." Popular Girl: "Works for me." Lee: up to Cam "I don't see you taking off your shoes." Camillio: his gaze "Oh, they're coming off. Just watch." ---- is the first one up. Holger: cheering "Go, Lee! Go!" Vice Principal Victoria: "Okay then." sound of the administrator's voice distracts Lee as he's making his dive, and he topples into the pool awkwardly. Lee: "Whoa!" Camillio: enthused "Uhhhhnkay, make way for the Camnonball Express, yo!" throws his shoes off, gets on the board, and performs an epic dive that clearly beats Lee's attempt. Brandy: "Whoo! You totally Camonballed that!" Popular Kids and Holger: "Camonball! Camonball!" helps Cam out of the pool. Dickie: "Dude, you totally won that!" Camillio: back "Yo, who–who messed with my stuff?" of Camillio's shoes is missing. ---- thief is Lee, who is running towards a streetcar with Cam's shoe held out behind him in order to evade the stench. Lee's phone rings. Lee: answering "Yo." Biffy: "Dude, you're dead. You know what time it is?" checks his phone for the answer. It is 4:06 PM. Lee: "I know. But good news is, I've got a shoe! Bad news, it's toxic." stench starts to catch up to Lee. He reaches the streetcar stop just as a streetcar goes barreling by. Lee: "No! I'll never make it back in time now!" Biffy hears the heavy footsteps of a certain cyborg principal approaching detention. Biffy: "Sign the certificate, wrangle the ponies, it's over. Large! Sorry little buddy." sighs and his shoulders slump. Suddenly, a red sports car honks at him to get his attention and then pulls to a stop beside him. In the car is none other than the vice principal. She rolls down the window. Vice Principal Victoria: "We need to talk." Lee: "Whoa! VP Victoria." nervous "Nice car." up "Um, y'know what? There's pretty much nothing I can say. I snuck out to go to a party. Ya got me." Vice Principal Victoria: "Believe it or not I was in high school once. Get in." is shocked by the vice principal's gesture. However, he's never one to pass up an opportunity, and soon he's in the passenger seat while his driver weaves through traffic dangerously. Lee: "I–appreciate the ride, but I still won't make it back in time." Vice Principal Victoria: chuckling "Don't worry." ---- is at the door to the detention room. Principal General Barrage: his robot "I salute your vigilant watch." throws open the door. "Huh?" principal scans the room with his cyborg eye. Biffy is the only person present. Biffy: nervous "Heh. Yeah, about that. I kinda...ate him?" Principal General Barrage: "Oh, this is–" phone rings. He answers it. "I'm so glad you called. We have a ten-fourteen escape in pro-gress!" Vice Principal Victoria: the other end "Oh I'm dreadfully sorry. I forgot to mention I had to pick up textbooks from the supplier, and I needed someone to carry the books, so I took Lee Ping." Principal General Barrage: guard "Took Ping? Away from detention? Were they–heavy books? Did he strain in his lifting?" Vice Principal Victoria: "Yes, extra-heavy books. I wouldn't be surprised if he needs to see a chiropractor for the rest of his days." Principal General Barrage: "Well as long as Ping suffered. Barrage out." principal hangs up. The vice principal pulls up to the school. Vice Principal Victoria: "I believe this is your stop." Lee: wide-eyed "Wow! Thanks." Vice Principal Victoria: "That was your one freebie. Don't let it happen again." nods and gets out. "Oh, and Mister Ping? If you like, I know a tremendous doctor who can help you with that odor problem." realizes he's been holding Cam's stinky shoe the whole time and exits the car with a look of resignation. ---- is in the rafters of the auditorium. Lee: "Okay. Moment of truth. Was Cam actually up here or not?" places the shoe onto the shoeprint. It matches up perfectly. Lee: betrayed "Cam! It was you! The potato flakes, my bag, probably everything!" ---- night, Lee is in his room. Holger: "Holger want to know ze truth. Was Lee at the party to make zhe friendship cake with Cam, like promised, or, on secret spy mission against best friend?!?" Lee: "Holger, Cam really is–" Holger: "Holger no want to hear it. You are on Holger's bad list for one day. Vun day!" signs out of the chat. Lee sighs. His mother opens the door and looks in. Mrs. Ping: "The vice principal called and said you did a good job helping her. Now lights out." mom sniffs the air, suspicious of the strange lingering odor, before leaving the room. Lee picks up the shoe from its hiding place and hocks it out the window. Lee: "So Cam lied. Not only is he definitely involved, but he really could be the dirty rotten, really stinky prank mastermind behind everything." picks up a picture of his tenth birthday party and gazes at it. He and Cam are about to blow out the candles on the cake together. "All to be popular. So, what do I do now?"